Noticia

     There is one very tricky word in the human language.  Men are shameful to use it, and women tend to endear the idea of the word and what it is all about.  It is the strongest emotion, that holds the bonds to family and friends, but is also the trickiest of emotions when it comes to significant others.  This emotion is love and is a bond that one shares with a limited few in their life, a closeness that is almost impossible to break.  But being in love is much different then having love for your mother or best friend.  It is a word impossible for any one person to describe.  It is an incomprehensible term in its sense, with no possible definition.  One may ask how so, I know exactly what love is, I've been in love many times.  Which can be true, but love in this sense is different in each persons eye.  I am new to being in love and it is very hard to describe what this term means, but not hard to describe the feelings.  Every time I see my love I smile, and it always is like the first time I laid eyes on her.  Her cheese ball smile is always new to me, as well as the look she gives me every time I see her for the first time in a day.  I feel a constant urge to see her all the time, waiting patiently for a moment to spend with her.  Even if I am not feeling up to going out in the day, when time comes where I would normally see her, I can't wait.  Feeling sad the instant I see discomfort on her face, and the need to make her smile so I can smile as well.  These are some of the little things that drive me further and further in love.

     So how can one describe an emotion, is it the ever so longing to need a person, to want to be with a person.  The connected feelings that two people share.  The I can't spend a moment with out you.  Or is it something different to you.  All I know is that these are the differences in being in love with someone and just being with some one.  Depending on how my love grows for my lady, these ideas can always change.  Its an emotion.... a endearing emotion.  I don't mind showing it, going against the man code... but o well, it makes me happy as hell, and that is all I ever need.

Tumble Dry

It seems that no matter the probability of something, if it is something that occurs a lot, the odds have to hit eventually.  The more times you roll that dice, eventually what you want or don't want has to come up somewhere some time.  My first car accident in which I myself was fully responsible for damaging my car finally happened.  And as small of the chances as accidents really are, being in a car 7 days a week multiple times a day makes one believe that it had to happen eventually right.  But this wasn't a bump and bruise for my car, but may end up being the end of it.  Nothing crazy, just probably too much to fix the cosmetic damage of a car that is not worth it. 

But it is not that it was my time to be in an accident that I care about, but the accident itself was kind of scary.  The mountains of PA are not all forgiving if you make a mistake on the road.  Trees surrounding every bend and mile you will drive, a mistake can be costly even at the slightest of incidents.  Not only are there tons of trees, but coming up or down a mountain means potential drops.  A wooden rail all that there is to protect you.  As I came down the mountain, my breaks failed to help me on a slippery trail.  the sound of screeching tires and the sight of a what seems to be a never ending drop were staring me straight in my eyes and piercing my soul.  The crash, the HOLY SHIT, and the look on my sisters face was enough to remind me to not let my guard down all too much on the road, as the unexpected is always there to slap you in the face.  Once you think your invincible, there is something that will ALWAYS tell you otherwise and keep your ass in check. 

Is what I wrote a bit of an exaggeration, yes.... do I lock the reader in and grab their attention... this time I think so.  But do I replay that moment in my mind and am thankful of the out come and that what could of been did not happen (tumbling down the hill as if I were in my dryer).... HELLS YES!  Thankfully I don't hold on to any of these things, because it allows me to get right back on the horse and keep on doing what I got to do in life.  Its a reality check, and it seems to be in my life everything happens for a reason, the good and the bad align themselves and orient themselves to allow me to strive in life and help me reach a better, more mature place.  I will take the experience with open arms, and see where this leads me.  Hopefully the short term effects don't cost me as my finals are hitting.  I will need a car for the next two weeks with out a doubt, after that, it will not be so bad. 

Finale

With the school year coming down to a close it is the time of year I need to be on my A game.  But right now it is not the case.  I have been struggling to do enough work for the time I am spending in the library.  And my grades are going to suffer if I can't turn them around.  I need to spend more time studying.  As much as I don't want to I am going to need to stay in the library longer, and go out and study longer on my days off.  I need to find something to keep me motivated, and I hope I will receive the support from the one person who does not want to see me less.

My final semester in college, oh what a relief.  But I don't want to work anymore, but am forced through upcoming circumstances.  Grad school!  My applications are out, and it is a waiting game from here. I am nervous as hell and if I get shunned by all my choices I will be torn.  What would I do, I will not want to come back to school to better my grades.  Will I just go for a masters after, or will I just get in to a program, somewhere, somehow some way.  With shitty grades in my sciences, is it plausible for me to make it.  We will find out. 

I am writing this for you my lady.  This is what weighs my mind right now.  I miss you to hell! and wish to be with you rather then doing school work. 

Sleep Walking

It is unbelievable how many times one can continually mess up the exact same thing.  For me, I continually tend to miss appointments.  It is starting to get to me a little, I am unsure if I am just that bad at keeping track of my stuff, or is my workload too hard to balance.  It is always around the time of midterms and finals that I start to fall apart.  This recent episode of WTF! hit me today because I missed a fitness Q&A seminar in which I would of been one of the panelists.  I was excited and nervous about being able to be a voice in the field and get experience publicly speaking about what I love.  By excitement quickly turned into embarrassment, as I forgot I had to go, and got to the Q&A 40 minutes late.  At this point I was too embarrassed to go inside and take my seat on the panel as I was afraid people would look at me and say that I am unprofessional and immature and that I may of not been taken seriously.  Also Being I was late for a terrible reason, I thought that my peers may of looked down on me as well.  So I began trying to avoid everyone that I knew was running the Q&A until I was finally able to sit and chat with my friend Eugene, the man who asked me to be a panelist.  Upon talking to him it eased my mind a bit.  He took it very lightly and told me to not worry about it.  He understood that its hard to be a student and balance other stuff.  He knows just as well as I do, because he is a pre-med student, and just like me, he missed some meetings he needed to attend because he forgot. 

I know my workload is hard and it's easy to get off track.  But there is no excuse for me to miss an appointment I made, especially when I remember the night before.  It is something that I will continue to work on getting better at.  And I am glad this mistakes have happened when they don't come crashing down on me.  But maybe that is what I need to make a change.  As hard as I am on myself when it happens, maybe I need something bad to happen to wake me from this sleep walk I find myself in.

My 1st Time

So this is my first time blogging ever.  And I plan on only allowing one special someone to see this!  Not sure what to expect from this, but let us see how it goes. 
YOU DA BOMB!
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